So, I’m doing well, except when I’m not.
Work is going very well. I’m communicating with the people I need to communicate with. I am convincing, without hard selling, that the product is worth while. I’m connecting.
I’m missing the marriage, the partnership, the easy physicality, the daily humor, the being wanted, anticipating someone else’s needs (from shopping for ties, to guessing what’s bugging him.)
It doesn’t transfer well at all.
Last year, this time, I was emotionally unavailable. I could flirt like a married woman.
I was no threat, because I didn’t want anything of anybody.
Now I’m needy, and that is not a comfortable place for me to be.
I have agendas, I read into things. I’m looking for cause and effect.
I’m outer focused, only not in a good way. I am the spider; despite myself I want to draw you in.
My energy is electric, dangerous, both heightened and static, tense.
I have reprieves, but I don’t have control.
I’m playing old sad songs, early Dylan(as played by Jerry Garcia), Leonard Cohen, Richard Farina, Phil Ochs, dead men all (except Dylan, who is at least preserved).
If I were radioactive, I’d need time to degrade down to where I was safe enough to handle. When do I get over being sad? How shall I channel my energy until then?
The Art of the Day Must be: Patience, what's the alternative?
posted by the other Joan @ 11:29 AM
2 Comments:
Oh, I am sorry. Know you are loved, always.
L
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