"That sky is so beautiful, if you painted it, no one would believe you."
"They say the most beautiful sunsets are seen after volcanic eruptions, when all the dust is in the air."
Is delayed grieving an antonym to delayed gratification? Not exactly. But it’s similar, in that you behave well until afterwards.
I did pretty darn well yesterday and last week, the anniversary of Jimmy’s death, and Sunday, after everyone had checked in to see if I was doing OK, I lost it. I lost it when someone I didn’t know thought I had hit a third party’s car, and the third party found me, and I moved the car, and everything was fine, but I responded to someone else’s bad mood, and then I missed him. And then I cried.
Everyone is checking in with their feelings around 9/11, five years out. It happens that Jim’s Yahrtzeit falls on the same weekend this year on the Hebrew/Secular calendar. I remember Jimmy on September 11th. He left for work, and then came back after a few hours, realizing everyone was too distracted, too upset to care about what he was presenting. I remember hearing about a plane hitting the Trade center on NPR when my alarm clock turned the radio on. I remember going downstairs and wanting to watch CNN. I remember seeing the second plane hit, and thinking that’s not right! That’s no accident! My father (who worked for the FAA) must be rolling in his grave! I remained glued to the screen. Jim called to see if I knew what was going on, and when Jim came home he was glued to the screen too.
And I remember how that day and the following few days were absolutely beautiful, but eerily quiet. No planes. A throw-back to a time before flight. Not even birds in the air. Not even insects. Well, that’s how it seemed.
I never went to see the twin towers when I lived in
posted by the other Joan @ 7:50 AM
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